What I was most afraid of when I came off birth control

If you read my blog you got a glimpse of this story. I can’t remember what actually triggered me to want to take my IUD out. I know it was someone I saw on Instagram that lead to down a rabbit hole of knowledge and support around birth control and it’s affects on women. I started following hormone coaches and hormone MDs. I wanted to learn it all.

At the time I worked with almost all men in the PACU on an assignment in Southern California. Thank god for those boys. They had nowhere else to go so they were stuck listening to all of my ideas, thoughts, secrets. We even joked that one of them might have to remove my IUD if I couldn’t do it myself.

I didn’t want my IUD out though until after I got back from a trip to Cuba. I mostly wanted to wait because I didn’t want to get pregnant.

I think back to when I first got put on birth control. I was 17-18 and I was put on BC because I had “bad periods” but we all know our moms didn’t want us to be kids and also have a kid. Then I just stayed on it because it just became the way of life. I don’t remember what my periods were like before birth control. Actually I do, I just remembered this incident. It was homecoming week-I was a junior. I remember one of the boys in my class going “you have someone on your...oh..” then he walked away. Then sheet panic fell in. I had bled through my pants- I was a JUNIOR in high school. We all know how traumatizing that is. I wrapped my jacket around my waist until I could change. I was mortified though.

Then I joined the army and not having a period was ideal. Not bleeding everywhere was easier for me. Then I got deployed and I thought I’m not going to go to Iraq and be on a long mission with these guys ( I was in an all male unit) and be bleeding everywhere. In my head I didn’t want to give them anymore ammunition to hate me. At that time women in line units was unheard of-it just didn’t happen. Being the strong independent woman I was-I was determined to prove to them I could keep up. That I was strong enough to hang. That’s another story all in itself.

After that it didn’t even dawn on me that I could stop taking my birth control. I went through a marriage and a divorce and just stayed on it. It’s been so normalized in society, I just kept it (finally had an IUD put in).

I was 34 when I finally decided I had enough. I wasn’t really dating anyone but i did have a trip planned with a guy that I was casually intimate with. I did not want to get pregnant. I waited until after that trip. Since I was a traveler finding a new MD at each stop was a nightmare. I talked to the GYNs I worked with ( both I would not ever see-in real life). They both had the same bullshit answer and you guys I’m a healthcare professional-I know the bullshit that gets slung in healthcare-they both told me to stay on it. I didn’t want to pay anyone to take it out. I thought that was silly. I didn’t want to set up a new patient appointment just so someone could tell me I should leave it in.

You know we get told this story that having a period is bad. Periods bring bleeding (a huge inconvenience), cramps, mood swings, tender breasts, chocolate cravings. Periods are miserable, who would want that? In my research I learned that periods are healthy for us. We actually need to ovulate. The only way to ovulate is to have a menstrual cycle. I learned that all those crazy PMS symptoms are not normal. We shouldn’t have to just deal with them. There were ways to fix it without hormonal medication.

I was worried that pregnancy was a possibility and I DO/DID NOT want kids. I thought and thought about it but at that moment in my life my happiness was way more important. I wanted to feel human again.

My second worry was “what if I don’t get my period back?” “What if my body is just like fuck you-you did this to yourself?” I was worried that I had royally fucked up my endocrine system.

I realized though I had to do something. I couldn’t keep down the same path! I was miserable.

So one day at work-my poor male coworkers. I love those dudes. They were the best! They tolerated so many things. They all rallied and even got anesthesia involved and agreed that they could take me to the OR and give me a little propofol and then remove it for me. Isn’t that like men?? It made me laugh-first of all it’s not that serious and second we can’t just put me under anesthesia. I so love them for that though.

So one day I asked my female coworker, an OR nurse who was pretty much always down for anything, if she minded pulling my IUD out because I couldn’t get it out myself. She said absolutely. We went to the women’s locker room. We got in the shower, I squatted thinking that would be easier. She put a mask and sterile gloves on 😂😂. That position did not work, she couldn’t find my strings. So we ended putting a towel down and I laid down and that’s when she realized my cervix was tilted to the left. She finally found my strings and said ok I got it. Ready? And out it came. She handed it to me, took her gloves off and we both went back to work. That was it.

It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt alive and free. I was ready to give my body a chance to function.

I took my IUD out 9/19/18, dark spotting 9/22 and then first period 10/22/18! I was ecstatic, all my coworkers knew. I remember going into work and being like “you guys...guess what??? I started!!!” They we’re happy for me. It’s like we were all in this together. From that point on. They always knew when I was on my period because I told them-I told them everything.

My first period was a typical first period. I had some cramping and breast tenderness! I can’t even tell you how happy I was when I got my period back!! It felt amazing!! Since that day I’ve learned a ton of things. I listen to my body, I track my periods, my symptoms, my mucosal discharge, my temp (at first-I don’t do it anymore).

Guess what? I’m still going birth control free and I’m also still childfree. It’s possible. I encourage you to lean in and trust yourself and your body!

I hope this helps anyone feeling the same about their birth control story. You can do it! You deserve better. I promise.